I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
