nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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