Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
