I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
