You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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