I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
