i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
