I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
