Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
