why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
