I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
