R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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