yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
