All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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