You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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