mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
