i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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