Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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