I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
