youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm always down for nudity.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize