OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
