I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
