people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
