He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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