I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
