SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
