Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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