There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone came in the potted fern
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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