new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
