They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
