no, he came in my armpit
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
