her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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