Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
