I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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