Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I want her autograph on my taint
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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