He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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