You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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