Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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