I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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