Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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