I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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