Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
