If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
