i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
