apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
