My nipple is on Facebook.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize