i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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