I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize