I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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