tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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