i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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