Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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