It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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