I checked into jail on foursquare
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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