We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
