i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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