the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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