I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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