I bet he comes in French.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
