is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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