my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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