so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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