end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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