I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
