so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
