You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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