I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
