No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
